In a recent conversation, the Rev. Mary Earle and Sylvia Maddox – both of whom are actively involved in speaking, writing, teaching, and leading retreats on spiritual formation – talked about three stages of conversion.

“Three stages?” we said.

“Yes,” said Mary, “although it’s not linear; more like three aspects of conversion – intellectual, moral, and spiritual.”

And so our discussion began. Join in as Mary and Sylvia speak about their own experiences in living a converted life.

 Mary:  My first experience with intellectual conversion was in a junior high school chemistry class. Mr. Mickey was teaching about the periodic table of elements. All of sudden, I saw it. I saw that there is a design to the world that we humans had nothing to do with. There is an order and plan that is not of man’s making. I don’t think I talked to anyone else about it at the time, but that was a seminal moment of formation for me, and I have repeated the story many times in my adult life. 

Sylvia:  Conversion is sometimes like that – a startling encounter that knocks us over.  It can also be more of an enticing of us to go deeper. My most profound conversion was later in life and surprised me.  Coming from a strong moral and devotional formation, I thought intellectual conversion was the call.  Then one day I heard the voice of Christ say, “Let go of the things you are holding for yourself, even your ideas about faith.  Hold fast to nothing but my love.” On that day I learned the meaning of emptying, and I knew at that moment there was no turning back. Surrender was my conversion. 

Mary:  Right. And always it is initiated by God. I had not been looking for a moment close to Christ in that chemistry class. But it reoriented me. It proclaimed the greatness of the Lord rather than the greatness of me, although I am not sure I would have said it that way at the time. 

Sylvia:  Sometimes there is an aspect of disorientation in conversion. We thought we had one orientation, but then that leads to disorientation that leads to a different orientation. Conversion is a turning – it is always grace. 

Mary:  And there is always an assent aspect – a “yes, with God’s help.” So our intellect is involved. Intellect is God-given; conversions allow the intellect to flourish and be fruitful. The faithful intellect is always open to God’s movement. 

Sylvia:  The Christian life is a life of continual conversion.  Yes, Peter was called and immediately dropped his nets and followed Jesus. But we also see the many turns in Peter’s life, the falling away and coming back, the denying and repenting.  When we say yes to the call, we are opening ourselves to the ways of the Spirit.  To be mindful of the ways and places the Spirit draws our eyes,  our ears, and our hearts.  Conversion always leads to discipleship.

Mary:  And it is not a cakewalk. A friend of mine was in a group studying the psalms and they were all crooning over the loveliness and the gentleness of the psalms and my friend said, “Wait a minute. It wasn’t just lovely and gentle for me. I was convicted by a verse in this psalm, and I have to go and forgive someone.” So sometimes conversion is painful. 

Sylvia:  And that can lead to moral conversion. I think of Oscar Romero and the moral conversion he underwent when he began to learn of the abuses and injustices of the San Salvadoran government. Conversion can be a moral response to the poverty and suffering we see before us. Because it all comes from God and all belongs to God. There is a growing awareness, an obligation in the deep sense, that we are all tied together in Christ. 

Sylvia:  Conversion has been described by Sally McFague as life on the edge of a raft.  We have to be willing to make continual changes. 

Mary:  Thomas Merton says it is putting ourselves where we are willing to be willing to change.   The Prayer Book calls it “amendment of life.” 

Mary:  Eucharist is the pattern. All of life is Eucharist – taking, breaking, blessing, distributing. Where we fall short is in the distribution. When our son was very sick with cancer, he fortunately had excellent medical insurance because the medicine was very expensive. But we would go to pick up his medicine at the cancer center and watch families having to make wrenching decisions about what they would have to give up or whether they could even afford that medicine for their loved one. Conversion wakes us to the solidarity that is always there. 

Sylvia:  Conversion is when formation turns into transformation. You think you have it all down, and then one day you see it in its fullness.  At some point you say, “Now I know.” It’s not a 180-degree turn; it’s a turn on a curve, lots of turns on lots of curves, an ongoing willingness to make these little turns toward Christ. 

Mary:  In the early Church, this moral conversion was a piece of spiritual conversion. You could not be spiritual without being moral, and you could not be moral without being spiritual. Your moral theology was the gospel theology of sharing, of caring for the widows and orphans. 

Mary:  Conversion is always about community and always about some change in orientation. Look at our baptismal vows – they go from individual to cosmic. In order to be a person, we have to be more than ourselves. As Episcopalians we are given the assurance that Christ is revealed in the breaking of the bread, in the community of the faithful gathered. In the broken bread of the life of the community, the shared stories lead to conversion experiences. 

Sylvia:  The blessing is that it is always God who initiates.  The Call to conversion comes from God.  We cannot make it happen. Our part is to be open, to be willing and to put ourselves in places where we will be found. We have to be mindful of our formation by prayer, engaging with Scripture, being part of a worshipping community.  

Mary:  And at different times in our life we might feel God is calling us to something new. The way to find out is to try it on. God may be calling forth what is already within us. 

Both the Rev. Mary Earle and Sylvia Maddox are authors, speakers, teachers, and retreat leaders living in the Episcopal Diocese of West Texas. They have co-authored two books, Holy Companions: Spiritual Practices from the Celtic Saints and Praying with the Celtic Saints. 

From Reflections magazine, Spring/Summer 2010. Produced by The Episcopal Diocese of West Texas. All rights reserved.

Read the entire spring/summer issue at http://www.dwtx.org/index.php/prayer/Reflections_Online